One day, as I was lying down in the early hours of the morning, listening to those sad songs and sobbing. My sister came into the room and said ‘Ugonna, we need to snap out of this’, How did she know what was going through my mind? So I wasn’t the only one. Then she went on to tell me how she has been feeling too. How she felt like she might not even wake up the next morning, like life wasn’t worth living. The worst part of it all: the songs we were listening to didn’t make it any better. For the first time in a long time, I smiled. Then laughed. Then we went on to talk about how the ‘devil’ used to opportunity to poison out thoughts and we allowed it. We began to prophesy in our lives that we wouldn’t die but live to declare the glory of God, how we were overcomers. For He has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7), for we dwell in the secret place of the most high and shall abide under the shadow of the almighty (Psalm 91:9), for it is of mercies that we are not consumed, for his compassion faileth not (lam 3:22). Then we remembered that the bible said that we should not be alert for the devil, our enemy goeth about like a roaring lion, seeking whom to devour (1 Peter 5:8). We tapped into these words of prophesies and instantly got relief.
‘Weeping may endure for the night, but joy cometh in the morning’.
I stopped asking God questions. Because I knew I had gotten the answers I needed. I am wonderfully and beautifully made in the image and likeness of God, and therefore no physical flaw can get in the ultimate grace of God in my life.’ For there is a time for everything under the heavens, a time to born and a time to die’ (Ecc. 3:1). God’s will is always the best, what if something even worse could have happened in his future and God wanted to prevent it, God called him home because he didn’t want to see him sad no more, God said ‘enough’, because he knew he couldn’t let his son suffer anymore in this world for the life we live is not ours, for us to live is Christ. Often times, we query God when things do not go out way. God, this job would have been perfect, this man or woman was my soulmate, how do I live without them? Why did this have to happen? This was my last opportunity, why didn’t you just give it to me? We use our human mind to imagine how beautiful it would have been, if and only if. God prevents us from unknown disasters in the form of mere disappointments. Closing the door, so that another can open. Wiping the dust so that we can breathe properly, saying no to give us a yes on a platter of gold.
I overcame my mental insecurity and fears of life and embraced peace, confidence, and hope. In the words of one of my favourite author Paulo Coelho “Our life is a constant journey, from life to death. The landscape changes, people change, our needs change, but the train keeps moving. Life is the train, not the station. And what you’re doing now isn’t travelling, it’s just changing countries which is completely different.”
The negativity of holding on is oppressing, depressing, saddening, and everything weakening. And it should be avoided as much as it can. Life is all that we make of it, and I am glad that I learnt that in a good way (could have been worse).
In a nutshell, that life is worth living. You can do it. You shall overcome.