“Words are tears that have been written down. Tears are words that need to be shed. Without them, joy loses all its brilliance and sadness has no end.” – Paulo Coehlo.
This is something I tell myself a lot when I find myself making comparisons with other people, and how I wish we could swap places. How easy their lives seem. How I wish I could be in their place, then I found out that they might be living a hell-hole, and do everything possible to keep up with appearances, so I stopped, and started to believe a lot more in my own struggle, what I can offer, and how I can be who I want to be.
You know when people come to you with all they’ve been through, and how rough their life journey has been. You know you don’t always have to tell them or prove to them that you’ve seen more or experienced more than they have right? That is the height of selfishness. They just needed somehow to listen to them, not necessarily for a reply or someone to make them feel them they haven’t seen/experienced anything yet. Have you ever wondered why your “big issue” that almost weighed you down and made you contemplate suicide is nothing compared to what the other person has faced? Or why some people face more struggles than you do, but still turn out fine.
You need to understand that our struggles and our fears are not the same, and that we face our individual fears and struggles according to our strength. It is almost like saying, some are given five major life issues, while some are giving just one. But then you might find out that the person who is facing just one issue looks worse that the person facing 5. It is safe to say that our struggles are commensurate with our strength, or are measured by our strength. That person out there facing financial challenges, health issues, family issues, psychologically and/or marital issues might be better or appear better than the person facing just one major financial challenge, and the reason is because the first person might be emotional stronger than the other, and the one facing just one challenge is just not as strong and if we were to swap their challenges, it might be the death of the second person., whereas the first person whom was dealing with a variety of challenges quite well and taking it step by step.
You need to understand that we are not all the same, emotionally, psychological… and that the struggle which you face or have faced such as losing your parent(s), sibling(s), being at a point where you felt like your life doesn’t matter, shouldn’t define your superiority or inferiority to anothers’ problems because you feel you know more. But you are wrong. That you survived that challenge doesn’t mean that the other person could survive it too, it might just be the end of that person’s life, it might be the death of him/her, it might the beginning of unending torture till death, and it might be the beginning of his or her loss.
Our struggles are not the same, our strengths are not the same, our faith is not the same, and our beliefs are not the same. Don’t judge anothers’ situation based on your experience in handling even worse challenges. Because you went through worse and were strong enough doesn’t mean I could be that strong too, doesn’t mean I won’t be weak. Because you overcame, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be overthrown. Because you were brave doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be frightened, because you held on so strong, stood firm in your beliefs doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t slack.
I bring to you hope and words of wisdom recapitulated after various soul searching seeking to understand certain principles pertaining to life and it is sinuous, twisted, yet facile, easy, ways.
Previously published on my Medium