Explain your love to me” he said.
“Wow” I sighed
“The thing is…”
What was I going to say. Oh boy!
“I think it’s like watching a bunch of old movies in a big ass dark room with the biggest size of television,loud speakers,and the Air Conditioner increased to the lowest temperature. Uhm, tucked in a duvet wearing an oversized sweater,sweats and those fluffy big cotton socks. Lying on the the biggest couch I could find and crying in between movie scenes. With a large bowl of popcorn,the largest size of vimto, a box of kfc chicken and bars of chocolates to go with the moment.” I said all in one breath.
“Or being the only one laughing out loud when seeing a movie in a cinema while everyone stares at me,wondering why am so amused. Because the movie happens to be amazingly boring.”
“Or that feeling you get when you finally take a bite of that peppered chicken you’ve been craving for in weeks”
“Maybe that feeling of giddiness when he finally told you the three lettered word”
“So it is comfortable,satisfying,needed but needs to be craved for,yes?” he asked.
“Or more like trying to decide which ice-cream flavour to choose in a showcase of over 100 flavours, as the attendant impatiently waits for you to finally pick one”
“Or deciding which note to end your song with during a live performance.”
“Or an artist trying to decide if it should be a canvas or charcoal painting.”
“Or that moment when your alarm rings, and you just let it ring on,while you lie on the bed,trying to understand why you are an adult,and why you have responsibilities.”
I said,all in one breath.
“So it is confused too then?” he asked with a puzzled look on his face.
“I think it’s the way your mouth confidently contours as you say the last ‘Checkmate’ in a chess game because you’ve obviously won. Asshole”
“Are you calling me an asshole?”
“Uhm, no, no. It’s just the way the other player whom you were playing the chess game with would describe the way you won him if he were to be a writer. You know like Sidney Sheldon describes his characters…and like err…”
“Don’t worry I get it” he snapped.
“So it’s victorious then?” he asked.
“I don’t know” I whispered.
“I don’t know!” I screamed.
As tears fell down my eyes like they had been waiting for the cue.
“I don’t know! ” I said in between tears.
“I don’t understand you,and am afraid. I never will. But I love you still” he said calmly.
I ran out of the car at once. And the tears poured some more like the clouds opened up and poured its rains on me.
I walked under the rain.
I used the back of my palm to wipe the tears away. As I smiled and giggled victoriously. I walked some more.
May the rains wash me away.